Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Whassamatta Review

When you say "Whassamatta Review" aloud it sounds like "What's the matter with you?" As these are men who will never stop going in, Whassamatta 2 includes knee, ankle and wrist braces. I like Whassamatta 2 so here is a 2000 word review.

Whassamatta 2
by Stuart Inamura
33 minutes

On payday I bought this rubber chicken. You squeeze and release it, then the chicken makes a loud squawking sound that everyone hears. On my lunch break I was crossing south on Canal Street with this rubber chicken in my hand when I saw Stuart Inamura walking toward me. Stu lives in Columbus, Ohio, so I was surprised. I made my chicken squawk, Stu looked at noisy me and we said what’s up. Today was Stu’s last day of a week in town. I said I had planned to buy Whassamatta Two from his big cartel store but I just kept watching Maxta P’s part online instead. Stu said not to worry, that he could bless me. After work Stu gave me 12 DVD copies of Whassamatta 2 then boarded his Ohio bound bus. I skated up freshly paved Lafayette toward the Static 4/5 art show. En route I saw Shawn Powers and he borrowed the chicken. Less than a block later Shawn had tossed the chicken in the air when a car drove past and blocked Shawn’s catch. The car drove over the chicken and broke its voice box. Now the rubber chicken only wheezes. I cruised through the art show where I gave a copy of Whassamatta 2 to Russian Bob then went home to watch Whassamatta 2 myself.

Said Ski Mask Production settles in with soothing piano. We see skaters after various mishaps and a show of restraint because one shouldn't punch a glass window out of frustration. Then Stu uses archive footage of a naked man who punches through a wooden fence as police look on. Skaters give a high five then soccer players celebrate and nearly fellate. The suggestion is that there may be other people more extreme than skaters, but a sudden new song says “Fuck that shit” and the ripping turns fast paced. We see a fiery quarter pipe session, ollies over roadkill and this banger from Max that he doesn’t quite land. The special effects are wild and precise as the skating. Taylor Nawrocki does back nose blunt at Major Taylor skatepark in Indianapolis. Addition becomes multiplication then exponents explode into first part.

"That's right. We'll fuck your wife." I wish I could see everyone's face at the beginning of Max Palmer paired with French Montana. I bet on smiles. This is good shit. The sequence where Max blunt stalls on the broadcasting television that expands to show a shaking booty which farts Max back in the picture is a good indicator of Stu’s editing transitions. “Whassamatta?” can be a confrontational question or a kind offer to listen. Whassamatta 2 examines the roles of male and female nipples. Max is one of my favorite dressers and wears tan corduroys with a variety of colored tops. The Meatpacking loading dock gap to back 5050 is a party boy classic, right on song. I was filming Soda Water Wave on the rainy day that Max did the backside water slide. As you know, Max rips top notch through his three songs and into the sunset, where now we are channeled over airwaves to an alien's offline birth.

The filming on OJ Hays's first long manual to bench pop shows reflection well. OJ front feebles a handmade skatepark box in a cool pair of Vans, then does a yellow shirt crooked grind at these videogenic concrete bleachers. One progressive line spans this eleven consecutive waxed ledge spot pictured above. OJ makes sure to do tasteful backside tricks and height challenges up a loading dock. He flips a two board party trick. I wonder if Kool Keith's soundtrack "Thug or What" is being homophobic or critiquing homophobia.

Max Growick starts off with a pair of impressive quarterpipe fly outs. He looks like Stephen Malkmus on a particular frontside slash on a street bank. Max G. crouches deep when he rolls away from big things over layered, moaning music. The skateparks are picturesque; the lifestyle is picaresque. On the streets Growick nosebonks, customizes wall rides and ollies a long flat gap. Chaz McGee is not in this video but take these tricks and words as a shout out to super ripper Columbus Ohio legend Chaz McGee.

Our F*R*I*E*N*D*S section features a skater named One Man Gang Bang. John Choi ollies the same bump to bar that Max ollied. Dave “Leaf Boy” Coyne is now a certified acupuncturist and shreds this sensuous overgrown DIY gas station spot. Cleveland's Tall Nate and Whip were in the mix for the legendary rainy downtown Columbus session. Steven Hamilton is a pro BMXer who does some chill skateboard rolling. Jordan Zuppa’s trick under the BQE is one of the best in the video. Then I appear, at Major Taylor in an Autumn beanie, dirty white tee and knee brace underneath forest green Everlast sweatpants I bought after seeing Torey Goodall wear the navy pair. This footage happened when Taylor, Stu and Ben visited me in Indiana while I was recovering from ACL surgery. The friendly ender here is a smooth ollie with orange flair tucked through the belt loop of cut-off corduroy shorts.

Gabe Peterson skates to treacherous rock and roll that compliments a gnarly flat gap kickflip to start a line. Both a painted blue dealership spot and this bank up to gap over a sidewalk look fun. One street line made me think of Serge Trudnowski. Gabe too skates the gap to black flat ledge to gap to thin cobblestone rollaway that Maxta P front nose slides in the intro. You can see how both Gabe and Max were trying to make their tricks end with the long ride away down to the waterfront but the spot appears to have won for now.

Ben Perkins brings heavy elegance to crusty spots. Ben double grabs and double stalls. He grinds Max Palmer's frontside ender backside. He rips a line at the old 12th and A when there was the ski slope box and that metal quarter pipe. Ben’s shirtless scooter footage epitomizes good times and then to make things even better Freaky Franz's Karl Malone becomes the soundtrack while Ben incorporates a basketball into the line. Now that Franz is rapping Darius Hart rolls onscreen shirtless and tattooed.
It is good to see party boys ripping as they grow through their 20s (though I wish Franz had footage in here too.) Darius drops in big while Yon Chong drops in small. CJ the DJ appears before #loosetrucksmax returns with some new stuff that is as good as any footage in his personal part. See the golden boy on this yellow rail, then Benny P slides back onto the track for some final bangers at Major Taylor and this ditch.

Once Benny completes a sweaty backside nose pick mission, Ginger, aka Alex Hegerty, salutes by dancing the Dirty Bird. An eagle's beak makes an eye bleed then Future cleans up with Birdie’s Take a Bath. Ginger no-complies an uprooted sidewalk bank and lines this whole skatepark so we can see the different colored foliage. A downhill ditch looks worth the visit. Money falls from the sky as seasons change. Once the leaves have fallen, Ginger rocks a (Max?) Growick hockey jersey. He lifts but doesn’t pop into a noseslide, firecrackers, has zigzagged cornrows and ends with a nose blunt slide so long it gave his wheels flatspots.

To catch the predator known as Matthew Kaleb Mericle proves impossible as he acid drops over a friend off his front porch, bounces around town off asses and titties, blasts down a ditch frontside, then backside grabs over New York State into Canada, where he is currently hidden deep in the very large motorboat of his ride or die.

Stuart the Creator dresses in breastmilk white and ollies over head high over a skatepark titty. He shows the birth of his skater’s life through a dream sequence with the most special effects. There’s kf bs ts and a sick uphill front board. Stuart ollies a motorcycle then primos a kickflip. Stuart uses an appropriate Seinfeld clip. This is Stuart’s part in his video Whassamatta 2 and the energy shows. He goes big at skateparks and gets techy on mannys and ledges. We see that Stu's nose manual nollie flip out ender is the trick that prompted OJ Hays to high five Stu in the intro.

Dan Charlton starts a smooth line at this bridge spot with an upriver back nosegrind pop out. Chief Keef, Waka Flocka and Bo Deal rap a murder song and Dan Charlton pops the biggest stair ollie in Whassamatta 2. He frontside feebles down this park rail then backside feebles up it. Damn, Dan is dope - his part is basically all bangers that ends fast like a gunshot can stop a life abruptly with a bang.

He who appears as Satan and singes the sky in his first line switch is Taylor Nawrocki. 3 6 Mafia raps and Taylor has the most Indianapolis footage of anyone in the video. As host I first took the visiting crew to the crustiest bank spot I knew, then to progressively better bank spots. Each time we left a spot I said, “If you thought this spot was sick, wait until you see the next one.” The last one where Taylor does ride up nose manny roll back in is over the fence inside this closed down pool across from the rail to gap that Ghost front smiths in Outdated. Taylor's nollie back heel switch manny makes me want to try that.

After the show, it’s the credits. We see the close attempts at doing tricks out of tricks and an impressive way of tipping a row of shots into beers. I thought someone was fellating a light but instead he is vomiting off a balcony. A human kisses a dog and one small homie fits himself into a dryer.

Now let me tell you about the clip that ends Whassamatta 2. Two and a half years ago I ate weed brownies with Ryan Weddle and Pat Hill then drove us four hours east on Interstate 70 in constantly pouring rain. We listened to Iggy Pop. Our destination was the premiere of the first Whassamatta video at Skate Naked indoor skatepark in Columbus. There were all ages of fans present, probably a couple hundred. The video projected big on this wall. Everyone celebrated throughout, then the place went buckwild for Max’s back nose blunt at Courthouse Drop ender. We drank a bunch and partied all night then woke up to another rainy day. In Columbus there is this fun banked ledge under cover at the police station that we skated until kick out, then went into the Convention Center with the indoor Double Set. There was a fitness convention in town and we saw Arnold Schwartzeneger. Then we went back to the streets, where Max, Ben and Whip from Cleveland started skating this ledge in the rain. That went well so then they just kept cruising wet while Stu and my friends and I walked along watching them. Then Whip spotted this drop in and did it right as an ambulance was driving by. It was gnarly. Then both Max Palmer and Ben Perkins dropped in too so they got the ender for Whassamatta 2 on the first day of filming.

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